I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
