Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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