Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
