You really coming over, don't trick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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