Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
