I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
