i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
