best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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