I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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