i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
