we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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