I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
