Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
