I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
