I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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