I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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