careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
