shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
