Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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