i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are the jesus of drinking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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