Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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