I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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