My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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