last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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