Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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