called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
