does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
