Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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