dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
