Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
