How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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