Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
50% drunk capacity currently
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
