Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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