Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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