Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
