so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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