I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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