He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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