Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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