i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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