It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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