Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
