My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
