I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize