I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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