Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
