What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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