If that was your dad, he is hot
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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