3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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