if i can run in heels then i can drive
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
