yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The struggles of a small town man whore
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
