i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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