Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
