trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
