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I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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