dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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