I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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