It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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