Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
