we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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