Barsexuality is the new black.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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