fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
