These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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