so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
