here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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